literature

On The Floor (Episode)

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Literature Text

Wrap your arms around yourself
And pretend that will make you safe
Pretend that everything's alright
And that you aren't screaming on the floor

Everyone's watching, standing. Shocked
No idea what just happened
Somebody has their hand on your shoulder
They say it's ok, but you can't stop

You can't remember the last time you breathed
Can't tell the difference of eyes open or shut
Maybe you're walking away
Or maybe you're still on the freaking floor

But you're in a room now
The crowd's gone
Paper bag, 'helpful' hand, cup of water
You are drowning

Slowly, slowly, your mind comes back
You have to breath, cause you have to live
There's a pile of tissues next to you
And a puddle of something on the floor

But you get up, you walk out
Shrug off the "will you be okay?"s
You stare at a wall and try to hold it in
Because you won't be okay, you can't

There's a dark, retching hole in your chest
Where peace and certainty used to live
Because you know it's only a matter of time
Before you're back on the floor
So...
This happened to me Sunday. 

I started writing this down as soon as I could, because I saw all of them, all my friends, just standing around completely helpless and wanting to help me.
I had to write this, to let the people who don't understand know what it feels like.

It's just, it's so much bullcrap. I'm losing my s*** there, and I know that there are people in the room who've been through worse. But they're the one's trying to comfort me...
The thing is, it doesn't matter how much I try to figure it out, how much I write, who I ask. I can't understand why this happens when it happens.
It makes no sense to me, but I have to do this. Have to write, have to figure this out.
And maybe, if I can't figure it out. Maybe I can help someone else.
Least I can f***ing do, right?
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237-IndefiniteTruth's avatar
Well.

How noble be the one who would take the knife by the blade lest someone else bleed even in slight.